Welcome, fellow financially fearless soul! If you’ve ever dreamed of reaching rock bottom with flair, you’re in the right place. Forget all that noise about saving, investing, and being “smart with money.” This is a beginner’s guide for those who want to go broke, but make it fashion.
Because if you’re going to lose it all, you might as well look good doing it.
💅 1. Spend Like You’re Already a Millionaire
Why wait for success when you can pretend you already have it? Max out your vibe by buying things your future rich self might afford — like designer shoes, imported coffee beans, or a car you can’t pronounce.
Installment plans? Yes. Regrets? Not yet.
💸 2. Savings Are for Quitters
You know what savings accounts are good for? Making you feel bad about all the fun you’re missing out on. Don’t fall into that trap.
Use your money as it was intended: to escape boredom. If you die tomorrow, you’ll be glad you chose sushi over stability.
📱 3. If Your Bank App Still Opens Without Crying, You’re Not Doing It Right
Check your bank account only when you’re feeling emotionally strong — or drunk. The real power move is watching your balance drop like a K-drama plot twist and still ordering extra fries.
🎁 4. Buy Gifts to Impress People Who Wouldn’t Lend You ₵5
Birthdays? Anniversaries? Random Thursdays? Show people you love them — and yourself — by going above and beyond your budget.
They won’t remember your financial struggle, but they will remember that ₵400 bottle of perfume you bought them while skipping lunch for a week.
🏠 5. Rent the Apartment That Makes You Feel Like a Movie Star (Until You’re Evicted)
Why settle for affordable housing when you can live in a high-rise with mood lighting and exposed brick?
Sure, it eats 90% of your paycheck, but imagine how great your IG stories will look. Poverty, but make it aesthetic.
🧾 6. Never Read the Fine Print
Loan terms? Interest rates? Credit card fees?
Nah. Just sign and go. Mystery is part of the adventure. Plus, future-you can deal with that mess while current-you thrives in willful ignorance and overpriced cocktails.
🍽️ 7. Eating Out > Eating Smart
Why cook when you can pay ₵85 for pasta you could’ve made at home with ₵12 and a dream?
Meal prep is for the financially stable. You’re on a luxury crash course in stylish downfall.
🛒 8. Subscribe to Everything and Cancel Nothing
Music, movies, meditation apps, newsletters you never read — they all charge you ₵35/month like clingy exes. Don’t cancel.
Your budget might hate you, but your digital life is living its best subscription-based fantasy.
💳 9. When in Doubt, Swipe
If you’re not sure whether you can afford it, just swipe. Cards are magic sticks of denial.
Can’t see the money? Can’t worry about it. This is financial freedom, baby — from logic, from restraint, from reality.
🧠 Final Thoughts: Broke, But Make It Iconic
Anyone can be broke. But going broke in style takes commitment, delusion, and a strong Wi-Fi connection.
So wear that outfit you can’t afford. Eat that overpriced sushi. Ignore that credit alert.
Because true financial freedom… is the freedom to self-destruct with a little glitter and grace.