Because doing the bare minimum has never looked this exhausting.
Let’s get one thing clear: You are not lazy. You’re just a master illusionist trapped in a corporate cage. You don’t need a promotion—you need an Oscar for Best Performance in a Cubicle.
You’ve seen them—the try-hards, the spreadsheet warriors, the “reply-all” fanatics. But you’re different. You’ve discovered the holy grail of office survival: Look overworked, feel underpaid, do almost nothing.
And the best part? You’re about to convince your boss that you’re this close to burnout… all while secretly having enough time to watch half a season of Netflix between “tasks.”
Let’s dive into your complete guide to professional workplace gaslighting.
Step 1: Always Look Tired (Even When You’re Fully Rested)
You could’ve slept 9 solid hours, done yoga, and eaten a kale smoothie for breakfast. Doesn’t matter.
You show up looking like you just returned from a 14-hour shift at an underground coal mine.
Tips for the look:
- Hair slightly disheveled.
- Deep sighs every 5 minutes.
- Constantly rub your temples like you’re solving quantum physics.
Optional accessory: A lukewarm cup of coffee clutched like it’s the only thing keeping you alive.
Bonus move: At exactly 10:02am, mutter, “It’s gonna be a long day…” while staring blankly at your screen.
Step 2: Weaponize Calendar Clutter
Your calendar should look like the inside of a toddler’s coloring book—meetings everywhere. Are most of them fake or optional? Of course. But your boss doesn’t need to know that.
Use vague titles like:
- “Ops Review Check-In”
- “Alignment Sync”
- “Team Deep Dive”
- “Cross-Functional Collaboration Flow”
These sound important but mean nothing. It’s corporate camouflage.
Even better: Block chunks of time with “Focus Work” or “Client Escalation.” Boom. Now you’re invisible and “unavailable” for the rest of the day.
Step 3: Use Slack Strategically (a.k.a. Cry for Help)
Slack is your stage. Use it to broadcast burnout without saying it outright.
Drop messages like:
- “Sorry for the delay, I’ve been swamped.”
- “Just catching up now—today’s been wild.”
- “Looping in now, was tied up in back-to-backs.”
Even if those “back-to-backs” were just you switching between TikTok and staring at your email inbox with rage.
Bonus move: Set your status to “💥 In the zone” or “🤯 Focused, please DM only for emergencies.” Translation? You’re watching YouTube tutorials on how to look busy.
Step 4: Master the Art of the Visible To-Do List
You must have a to-do list on your desk or screen that looks terrifying.
Write it in large, frantic handwriting. Use highlighters. Circle things. Draw arrows. Make checkboxes (but don’t check them).
Sample entries:
- “Client Deck—URGENT”
- “Q3 Strategy Report — needs overhaul???”
- “Follow up with finance → → → delay = disaster???”
Now anyone walking by, including your boss, will assume you’re a stressed-out superhero one spreadsheet away from collapsing.
Optional: Leave the list partially visible during Zoom calls. Let the madness speak for itself.
Step 5: Send Emails at Weird Hours
This is how you build your legend.
Nothing screams “dedicated employee” like an email at:
- 11:47pm: “Circling back on this for tomorrow’s sync.”
- 4:53am: “Had this on my mind—wanted to jot it down.”
- Saturday 8:12am: “Prepping ahead of next week.”
Are you awake that early or working that late? Of course not. That’s what scheduled send is for.
Let Gmail do the heavy lifting while you’re doing absolutely nothing.
Step 6: Speak in Exhaustion Code During Meetings
When your boss asks how you’re doing, never say “fine.” That’s rookie behavior.
Say things like:
- “I’m just trying to keep all the plates spinning.”
- “We’re stretched pretty thin, but we’re getting there.”
- “There’s a lot in motion. I’ll circle back once things settle.”
These are beautiful, meaningless phrases that hint at pressure without specifying anything. Like a fog machine for your job description.
Don’t forget to exhale dramatically mid-sentence, like even explaining your workload might kill you.
Step 7: Always Be “Catching Up”
Make “catching up” your default mode of existence. The phrase has magical properties. It excuses everything:
- Late replies
- Missed tasks
- Sudden disappearances during work hours
Say:
- “Still catching up from last week.”
- “Just trying to get on top of all this.”
- “It’s been non-stop.”
Non-stop what? They’ll never ask. Because no one wants to look unsympathetic to the tragically overworked.
Step 8: Occasionally Look Like You’re on the Verge of Quitting
This one takes finesse. Once in a while, give off subtle signs that you’re barely hanging on.
Examples:
- Gaze out the window during a call, sighing softly.
- Mention how “sustainable work-life balance is something I’m still figuring out.”
- Casually drop phrases like “I just feel like I’m not breathing between meetings anymore.”
Do not push this too often. Use sparingly. You’re not trying to actually get fired—you’re just setting the stage for praise, sympathy, and maybe even a raise.
Step 9: Have One Big, Loud, Fake Project
Pick one vague, complex-sounding project to refer to every time someone asks what you’re working on.
Examples:
- “The backend integration strategy refresh”
- “Rebuilding our internal knowledge infrastructure”
- “Ongoing performance optimization of stakeholder communications”
No one understands what any of those mean. Which is exactly why they work.
When your boss asks how it’s going, reply with:
- “It’s evolving.”
- “Still aligning with cross-functional leads.”
- “Getting some unexpected complexity.”
Translation? You haven’t even opened the folder.
Step 10: Occasionally Deliver Something Impressive… Then Disappear
You must occasionally do one good thing—a presentation, a report, an idea—just enough to feed the illusion.
Then ride that success into six weeks of coast-mode.
When your boss thinks about questioning your workload, they’ll remember that one impressive thing and think,
“They’re probably just deep in the next one.”
And you’ll be deep… in your lunch break that lasts from 11:30 to 3:00.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting your boss into thinking you’re overworked is not just a skill—it’s an art. A delicate, high-wire act of looking overwhelmed while being spiritually at rest.
With the right performance, vague terminology, and well-timed email scheduling, you too can become a corporate enigma: The employee who seems essential, exhausted, and entirely unbothered.
Now go forth.
Type loudly.
Sigh frequently.
Disappear subtly.
And remember:
You’re not fooling anyone.
You’re fooling everyone who matters.